People Like Me...

...should not have blogs. People like me don't know how to express what's inside. Heart or head. People like me think...yes...feel...yes...but express...hmmm. Not the first time. Have been told me that i'm not the most expressive of people. Have even been complained against! Ha! Blame it on Asian parenting. Blame it on self conciuoness. Blame it on low esteem. Hmmm again. Think i shud write happy blogs. Who wants to read emo blogs? Even i don't wanna read my own emo blogs. You're suppose to write about stuff and then one day 20 years down the line, you look at it and try and remember and laugh. I sure hope there's something to laugh about! Hahaha. (young people always end their status, comments etc with a haha or hehe or one of these :) :( ;) ) Keeping up with times! hehe

Have nothing worthwhile to say. Tho does not reflect what i'm feeling. Small things bug me. Small things upset me. I take things very personally now. I understand why its happening. Still, still nothing. I'm sad.

*You've Got This Naggy Feeling*

I've got this nagging feeling. Nothing big. Just naggy. But i don't know what to do about it. Its not that big that u have to tell someone about it, who to tell anyway. But not that small that u can push aside. I know talking about it won't help. Cos there's nothing to help. Nothing to do about it. It's a wait and see if it happens sort of thing. And that's why it nags. Cos this waiting and seeing if it happens, when it happens, doesn't do much good. Hmmph. But if it happens suddenly, would i say, hey, i had this naggy feeling this was going to happen? Like some premonition. So what if my premonition came true? I'd rather it not. Really. Not quite ready for this to happen. Not quite ready for the final chapter. And confronting everything that's inside. Not quite ready.

One for the Furry Ones

Never intended this to be a diary of "today i did this, today i did that" but today i'm doing just that. Today (4 today's in a row, bad writing style) i'm taking my aminals (spelt that way intentionally) for blessing in church. Cos the good Lord knows mine need all the blessings they can get! Each one gets more hantu as they come. The small one today brought down a whole carton (just bought, left on the shelf to be put into the fridge while i was outside for a minute) of eggs! Only 4 survived, 2 badly cracked but i managed to save the inside, and 4 more literally gone to the dog (singular on purpose). It was like durian runtuh for him! That was just after i found a whole roll of toilet paper shreaded to bits. The small one thinks toilet paper grow on trees! So i'm hoping Father would bless them and scare the beJesus out them. Can't i ever have aminals that behave, that sit on my lap, or let me hug? One is worse than the other, the youngest being the most samseng!

I'm not suppose to rant and rave but i feel like doing that today. I want to talk about how i'm feeling about what's going on in my life. People say talking about things halves the burden. Tho i very much doubt it. But maybe "talking" about it helps. Blogging about it....hmmm, don't think so. Cos its like talking to yourself. So you might as well just TALK to yourself and not WRITE to yourself. Saves time. But there are some things that you can't talk about, or even write about. So what do you do? Tahan inside lo. And hope you're strong enuf to tahan until the day you die. It's not a skeleton in the closet thingy, more like a stain in your heart. Eeeewww, can't believe i just said that...stain in the heart...eewwww! Shud just delete this, but i have the no-deleting policy. Actually, ACtually (stress on the AC)...the only thing you can delete in life is what's on a computer (or tape, like in cassette)....other things, well, too bad la, what's done is done. And no amount of I'm sorry I didn't mean to is gonna change much. Talking from experience here. Every day you're reminded of past mistakes, yours or the people around you. And sometimes, you just wonder for a second, eih, maybe it didn't happen, cos some things, when you don't think about it, it's like it didn't happen and you can go on lalala.....

Today's a New day NOT

As i was saying...what was i saying. Something about moving on. See, i've not moved on, i'm still stuck on the same topic. People are the hardest to move on from. I realised this a long time ago. Funny that new people don't replace old people. Even when its suppose to. Maybe this "the grass is always greener on the other side...or so it seems" nonsense holds some truth. Things always seem better for the other person. Maybe that's why we yearn for things we can't get, not really can't get cos they're just there, but you don't wanna put effort into getting thinking it'll always be there. But we don't really yearn for it until you can't get it anymore. As much as it doesn't make sense, it makes sense. Oh shit, i've started editting my own work, something i said i wouldn't. Should use a typewriter, then cannot go back and change and make corrections. Wah, just had a revelation. Life is like a typewriter, you cannot go back and edit your work, you can only move on. And even if you can correct your mistakes on the stencils you type with the ugly pink liquid thingy, it still leaves a mark, it's never really erased. So not like a computer. And in memory of my typewriter, i shall use the typewriter font. Ramblings. Shud be doing something more productive with my time. Instead of ramblings.Shud be reading, studying, falsifying data haha...maybe i shud look for lunch. First post today ended with breakfast, second post with lunch. Not bad, i am consistent.

Today's a New Day...

So cliche. But i wrote that on purpose. To irritate myself. Today's not a new day. Well, technically it is, but then it never really is, cos yesterday follows u into today. NOt only yesterday, but every other day since you were born, they all follow u into today. So it can't be all new.

people say, the past is the past, let it go. Not so simple. Even when u think you've moved on, you never really have. At least for me it applies. You think you've moved on from certain people, but you've not.

Hmmm, hold that thought. Breakfast's here..

Looks Quite Good

Yes it does i must say. Like some professional work. Like i've got something important to say. Goodness, now i got pressure to say something important. I don't have. I'm not that deep. Tho sometimes i try to be, or pretend to be....but i think i'm not. But i'm not shallow either. Just simple i guess. Wishing life is simple all the time. Complex things irritates me. Cos they are things that cannot be solved, then you tension about it for what. There, that's about as deep as i can be. Ran out of thoughts ady. More fun watching my cat try to catch an ant. Really. Animals are so entertaining. And soothing. Like washing clothes. I feel i need to explain that. "Washing clothes relaxing?". No la, let's leave it as a mystery.

I can't wait to post this also. So terror, my blog got 3 posts ady. 3 posts and i reader. haha. But i wouldn't want ppl to read this either. Quite malu. Maybe strangers ok, but people who know me, damm malu for them to know my thoughts, so my (lackof) writing skills. English teachers cannot even write well. Who cares? Not my intention to please. Or teach English thru my blog. Just thought of something. Blogging is allowing me to practice my typing skills. At least la got some got point to it. Oo, suddenly i wanna blog about our education system. Enuf of people saying things that get on my nerves. "Education system sucks. Big time." REALLY? Another time, another post maybe, eyes tired ady. Wanna play Pacman too.

Blogging for Whatever Reason.

What do people write on blogs? I've seen people getting all emo, ranting and raving. After all, if you get all emo on a blog, doesn't make things any better. So then, why i blog? Saja la. I don't need a reson. I'm not writing to please anyone. I just wanna write. About whatever. No need proper sentence, no need proper English. No editing. Just type what's on the mind. Could be nothing, cos sometimes there's noting on the mind. Really. And i'm blogging, where did this word come about anyway?...and i'm blogging for myself, not to please anyone. Actually its a bit susah when u blog for people. You can't say what u want to say, after u hurt some people, or people taruh u..."nothing worth writing about might as well not write". I don't intend to make statements, or sound clever here...that's too much work, then must think think b4 i type anything, and seriuosly i don't want that much trouble. I wanna write what i wanna write when i wanna write. So there's no commitment here. Don't expect a regular entry. Or even photos (cos loading photos is too time consuming). Or even proper spelling. Let's post this. Oh, cannot, no title yet. Gosh! Die, why got error? Means everything i've type will be lost? Die! Oh, error disappered. Gila babi!

Just wasted time thinking of a title for this post. For waht? Who's gonna read it? Maybe i'm habouring secret dreams of making it big as a writer, like tiba-tiba i'm spotted, then published...then tada...can go holiday wherever i want.

Better post first. See how it looks like.

It's the First So It Should Be Good

Right? First blogs are suppose to make an impact. But i'm not aiming for that. Just trying to see if things work. It's not always that things work.