It's been a while. So long i've no visited my own blog. Lost interest. lazy. But reading back, not bad la, my writing. In a strange way some of the stuff made sense. Sounded nice too. Like there's a flow to it. Maybe a flow that only i can see. Enough la. Who else gonna read this anyway. Feels good typing. Been a while. Mind's rotting with TV.
I'm almost tempting to adress the 'so how have i moved on?' question. What has happened in the past 2 years or so? I'm almost tempting! Tempted la! Maybe there are people who like to ponder on things like this. Mine is quite linear. This happenes then that happens. As if in a linear line. No detours. People who know might say otherwise. I should too. But i dont see the detour, all in all i still went ahead. Vaque. As vague can be.

People Like Me...

...should not have blogs. People like me don't know how to express what's inside. Heart or head. People like me think...yes...feel...yes...but express...hmmm. Not the first time. Have been told me that i'm not the most expressive of people. Have even been complained against! Ha! Blame it on Asian parenting. Blame it on self conciuoness. Blame it on low esteem. Hmmm again. Think i shud write happy blogs. Who wants to read emo blogs? Even i don't wanna read my own emo blogs. You're suppose to write about stuff and then one day 20 years down the line, you look at it and try and remember and laugh. I sure hope there's something to laugh about! Hahaha. (young people always end their status, comments etc with a haha or hehe or one of these :) :( ;) ) Keeping up with times! hehe

Have nothing worthwhile to say. Tho does not reflect what i'm feeling. Small things bug me. Small things upset me. I take things very personally now. I understand why its happening. Still, still nothing. I'm sad.

*You've Got This Naggy Feeling*

I've got this nagging feeling. Nothing big. Just naggy. But i don't know what to do about it. Its not that big that u have to tell someone about it, who to tell anyway. But not that small that u can push aside. I know talking about it won't help. Cos there's nothing to help. Nothing to do about it. It's a wait and see if it happens sort of thing. And that's why it nags. Cos this waiting and seeing if it happens, when it happens, doesn't do much good. Hmmph. But if it happens suddenly, would i say, hey, i had this naggy feeling this was going to happen? Like some premonition. So what if my premonition came true? I'd rather it not. Really. Not quite ready for this to happen. Not quite ready for the final chapter. And confronting everything that's inside. Not quite ready.

One for the Furry Ones

Never intended this to be a diary of "today i did this, today i did that" but today i'm doing just that. Today (4 today's in a row, bad writing style) i'm taking my aminals (spelt that way intentionally) for blessing in church. Cos the good Lord knows mine need all the blessings they can get! Each one gets more hantu as they come. The small one today brought down a whole carton (just bought, left on the shelf to be put into the fridge while i was outside for a minute) of eggs! Only 4 survived, 2 badly cracked but i managed to save the inside, and 4 more literally gone to the dog (singular on purpose). It was like durian runtuh for him! That was just after i found a whole roll of toilet paper shreaded to bits. The small one thinks toilet paper grow on trees! So i'm hoping Father would bless them and scare the beJesus out them. Can't i ever have aminals that behave, that sit on my lap, or let me hug? One is worse than the other, the youngest being the most samseng!

I'm not suppose to rant and rave but i feel like doing that today. I want to talk about how i'm feeling about what's going on in my life. People say talking about things halves the burden. Tho i very much doubt it. But maybe "talking" about it helps. Blogging about it....hmmm, don't think so. Cos its like talking to yourself. So you might as well just TALK to yourself and not WRITE to yourself. Saves time. But there are some things that you can't talk about, or even write about. So what do you do? Tahan inside lo. And hope you're strong enuf to tahan until the day you die. It's not a skeleton in the closet thingy, more like a stain in your heart. Eeeewww, can't believe i just said that...stain in the heart...eewwww! Shud just delete this, but i have the no-deleting policy. Actually, ACtually (stress on the AC)...the only thing you can delete in life is what's on a computer (or tape, like in cassette)....other things, well, too bad la, what's done is done. And no amount of I'm sorry I didn't mean to is gonna change much. Talking from experience here. Every day you're reminded of past mistakes, yours or the people around you. And sometimes, you just wonder for a second, eih, maybe it didn't happen, cos some things, when you don't think about it, it's like it didn't happen and you can go on lalala.....

Today's a New day NOT

As i was saying...what was i saying. Something about moving on. See, i've not moved on, i'm still stuck on the same topic. People are the hardest to move on from. I realised this a long time ago. Funny that new people don't replace old people. Even when its suppose to. Maybe this "the grass is always greener on the other side...or so it seems" nonsense holds some truth. Things always seem better for the other person. Maybe that's why we yearn for things we can't get, not really can't get cos they're just there, but you don't wanna put effort into getting thinking it'll always be there. But we don't really yearn for it until you can't get it anymore. As much as it doesn't make sense, it makes sense. Oh shit, i've started editting my own work, something i said i wouldn't. Should use a typewriter, then cannot go back and change and make corrections. Wah, just had a revelation. Life is like a typewriter, you cannot go back and edit your work, you can only move on. And even if you can correct your mistakes on the stencils you type with the ugly pink liquid thingy, it still leaves a mark, it's never really erased. So not like a computer. And in memory of my typewriter, i shall use the typewriter font. Ramblings. Shud be doing something more productive with my time. Instead of ramblings.Shud be reading, studying, falsifying data haha...maybe i shud look for lunch. First post today ended with breakfast, second post with lunch. Not bad, i am consistent.